PERFECTION - Redefined .

Perfection . Redefined . (:

Sunday, July 17, 2005

I`VE SHIFTED . (:

Exceeded Blogdrive`s bandwith . Moving to blogger .
Update links yupps ? (:

its ~~still~~ your LOVE my heart beats for @ 09:55 am

precious thoughts

Perfection . Redefined . (:

Friday, July 15, 2005

Note To Self : Always trust my instincts .
Never doubt my gut feelings for they have never once failed me . Shld`ve listened .

DXO`

its ~~still~~ your LOVE my heart beats for @ 10:45 pm

precious thoughts

Perfection . Redefined . (:

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Pictures from yesterday`s trip to the hairdresser`s -

It`s so . . different right ? Hiaks hiaks !! XD`

Sadly, ain`t got snapshots of the class gathering cause the batt had died by then -

Today was a rather exhaustive long day and am rather worn out now ;
Morning was spent in school after which our group proceeded to ACM .
Basically, roamed for ages around Armenian St, Suntec and the Esplanade.

Homed aftermath - didn`t manage to meet up with Hwa, Mian and Bel to CBlack cause I was running late and everything but I do hope they`re enjoying themselves (:

Project meeting at Vic`s place in well, 11 hours time ??
Goodnight all - zzzz ...

Before I go though;
ATTENTION ALL CVSS ALUMNI
- ITEM TO BE PUT UP BY US FOR TCHR`Z DAY

Had received a call from Mrs. Sim just now and she well, reminded me of my assigned task. I so wanna strangle the person who had sabo-ed me then. I still havent thought of a theme for the celebration la !! BLEAHS -

its ~~still~~ your LOVE my heart beats for @ 12:29 am

precious thoughts

Perfection . Redefined . (:

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Am dead beat ; BOOS !! Had been a long day for me yupps -
Just a jiffy update before I get back to my school stuffs . (:

Met up with Delirist early in the morning , took the train down to Hougang then proceeded to Taka for her dental appointment . Laughters along the way - great to finally catch up with her after the weekends la ; especially since well, "life-changing events" kindaf took place in both our lives over the mere few days . Haa ~

Headed to lunch at Coffee Club ; and we started lamenting on and on about how broke we were . ARGHS !! AM FREAKING BROKE ALRIGHTS -
Comforted ourselves that the meal was for encouragement . Indulging in good food is after all, chicken soup for the soul. Hiaks hiaks hiaks !

We`re very contradicting people yes ? (:

Walked around Heeren aftermath ; don`t know what was up with us and escalators la !! We kept going in the wrong directions and made ourselves laugh till wanna peng . Cheap thrill ? LOL . Proceeded to Chinatown around 1 plus ; to Kimarie Hair Saloon to be exact and yes ,

I`VE FINALLY CHOPPED OFF MY TRESSES !!

Its kindaf really really really short but its the few rare times that I`m ever satisfied with a haircut . Plus, the hairdresser`s really nice and chao friendly la ! Oh, ohs !! The shampoo boy is so super good with his massaging can !! HIAKS !! I`d definitely recommend the place ; ain`t something to miss out on . You`ll walk out feeling like da mei nus, really really !! LOL .

Made our way to East Coast to meet up with our class peeps. We got lost, like super lost la ~ The number of overhead bridges we crossed would make you break into fits of laughters . After ages, we finally scrapped through in one piece and reached ! Went to join the girls on the breakwaters whereas the rest of `em were in the water . . wading and floating around ?

Monkey One, Monkey Two ; Monkey see, Monkey do - XD`
Amusing, amusing, amusing ~

Whilst on the breakwaters, thoughts just started filling my head. His unfulfilled promise to me the other time. All I can say is, words ain`t meant to be said for the sake of saying. Hmm -

Started to rain a lil` so we chionged for the shelter.
My class peeps very di siao can !! Shh ~

Slacked at Mac`s awhile before the bunch of us walked in the rain to Parkway.
Was kindaf high throughout la ; doing so many dumb cartoon things . BLEAHS `

Vic and me had initially intended to home but persuasions from Sam, Shafi and Dan well - made us stay awhile longer before we finally split .

Was on the bus ride to SK that I pondered quite a little -
I don`t know if I`m living in denial or really moving on with Life . Maybe, it just got too sickening that I can`t be bothered to feel the hurt anymore ? Yupps, the numb effect .
But, its a good thing alright . (:

Met up with Aaron at CP and we two finally caught up. Walked around and talked. He said I scared him a lil` today cause I appeared cynical and all .
Where got ?? I was so a happy gurlie today can !!
After much contemplation, we finally decided to well, drink. 3 pints ? Haa ~

Was kindaf glad yet a wee bit taken aback when a single tear was not shed when we talked. (:

Finally homed aftermath - was kindaf sleepy so napped awhile before onlining .
So many plans for the whole week - exhilerated !!

Am somehow most looking forward to Thurz when I`ll be booking my theory lessons .
The YAYNESS - - I really really wanna get my driver`s license ASAP .
My motivation ? Here you go -

I WANT I WANT I WANT !!!

Shall be off to do my work now ; (:

its ~~still~~ your LOVE my heart beats for @ 04:48 am

precious thoughts

Perfection . Redefined . (:

Monday, July 11, 2005

After Ultimate broke the piece of news to me, I couldn`t get to sleep at all.
I wish I hadn`t but I simply cried my eyes out, wept the whole while away.
It`s been years since I last cried this terribly. And it hurts - like hell .
I`m immensely disappointed alrights. I couldn`t help it. I know it ain`t worth it.

I just kept thinking how dumb can a girl ever get ?! Presumably not as dumb as me
Everyday without fail, I thought of him can ! Forever plagued with the memories .
From the time at 188 . 191 . E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g . Simply everything .

Imagine how it fcking hurts to come to realize that he hong other girls
When am down here, like some ass . He no heart de mehs ?

Did I not meant anything at all - after everything that happened ?
Forget it - I don`t wish to know .

Don`t worry humans - I`ll be okay after am done with the crying phase .
SEBAST - YES ; I ATE, DRANK AND BREATHED AS PER NORMAL .

As what Fifi told me, its time to let go COMPLETELY -

***

Marmie saw my swollen eyes when I finally emerged from my room.
I guess she knew, well, she always knew. Asked me whether I was heading out .
Was supposed to have met up with Ultimate. But she couldn`t make it .
So, went out with Marmie to fetch my sis around evening .
Headed for dinner at CP aftermath . Walked around and bought stuffs .
Spent half my week`s allowance at 77th buying dumb accesories . ARGHS .

Nice mah ? (:
I DONT CARE - SAY NICE .

Too bad can`t be seen too clearly though . It`s just this dumb enlarged ear stud thing .
The freaking thing kindaf caused my ear to swell a lil` hence, I can`t wear the rest of my studs .

Bought MORE MORE MORE lip studs among many others . HAA ` Oh yeah - on that note, saw Yvonne when I was having dinner . She say me havoc ~ WHERE GOT !! XD` LOL .

Homed just in time to catch
Desperate Housewives - The Season Finale .
Dammits . We used to chase the episodes . *smirks* Season Finale le . How apt uhs -

Anyways -

I just rmbed I ONCE had super bleached hair . Eee ~
Was LMAO when I chanced upon this old snapshot -
Those DUMB xiaolian days . WTH -

A much more recent one -
Ling and me at the sauna at Calvin`s.
Look ! Look ! Can see her tan lines !! Hiaks !

Needless to say, I miss my FROGGIEX BAOBEI .
Finally gotta chat with her today. Been ages since we went out together .
BIRDY BIRDY !! AH ZUA LEHS ?? (:

I`mma hit the covers now. Whole week`s kindaf packed with plans . My take on it - its all good . Finally I can freaking club as much as I wanna . Whee . . XD`

Take care truckloads people -

its ~~still~~ your LOVE my heart beats for @ 11:38 pm

precious thoughts

Perfection . Redefined . (:

Monday, July 11, 2005

I CRIED FCKING HARD -
LIKE NOBODY`S BUSINESS.

You couldn`t be there for me the way I hoped you would have .
It started out . . deliriously perfect until - I don`t know what happened .
But, now I do . And the only thing that resonates in my head is why ?

HOW COULD YOU ??

I can`t find enough in myself to do as they do .
With all the blessings and dumbo stuffs .
I just don`t ever wanna see you again. EVER -

***

I`ve noticed .

I always fall for humorous jokers and end up not being able to tell as and when they are serious or joking around. My bad ?

I want someone who is able to make me laugh . Smile. Be happy .
I want someone, who at the end of each day will ask me ,
" Have I made you smile today? "
I want someone, who I can give my heart to -
Knowing that he`s able to break it beyond salvation yet trusting him that he won`t.

But I don`t see that ever happening .

Cause, I no longer harbour thoughts of being in LOVE.
My fam and precious ones are enough .
My heart`s sealed . There`s nothing left of it to give away anyways .

***

// 12MAR2005-11JULY2005
// YOU MADE ME SMILE ; IF ONLY FOR A LITTLE WHILE

its ~~still~~ your LOVE my heart beats for @ 02:12 am

precious thoughts

Perfection . Redefined . (:

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Couldn`t get to sleep despite my many attempts . BLEAHS ~
The sleeplessness caused bouts of well, narcissm . Hiaks ! XD`

In any case, I doubt I ever once posted my sister , meaning my blood sister`s photo on my blog before . I guess shuttling between Bedok and SK has kindaf made me miss crappy her . LOL -

Well , people , here she is - -

Hiaks ! Yupps ; that`s her alright . Merely seven yet already so . . . narcicssist ? LOL -
Anyways : here`s MORE MORE MORE !!

Hehes - That`s me ; sleepless cranky schizophrenic me !!
ARGHS !! Look at the apples on my cheekbones -
FAT FAT FAT !!!

Me narcissing , she acting innocent . =x

And the acting cute syndrome starts to kick in ~
HIAKS !

I hate her eyes laa ~ So unfair can !
Why bigger then mine ?!

Hehes - 10 years of age difference yet the freaking nose
looks the freaking same . We got it from Marmie - (:

The sweetest sweets - Daddy`s Gurlies ~ Hiaks !

She calls me FLABBY . I call her BUG TEETH .
We scream at each other then complain to Marmie .
It`s called bonding . Hahas ~

" Let`s look knowledgable -" she went .
Since when did she use such words ?!
Heck- I was shocked alright !

I HEARTS HER MUCH . <33  .

Had a GURLIE CHAT with Marmie just now . It`s been long since we`ve had one .
Ever since the ANGKONG SERIOUS TALK , I must say there was kindaf a rift or something .
But I simply burst out to her ;" I think my heart`s breaking . . again . "
I felt so comforted aftermath - nothing , no - NOTHING beats a mother`s LOVE.   (:

Pardon me if my entries have been frigging incoherent of recent yupps ?
Its PMS - hence, my mood fluctuates like nobody`s business ;
Resulting in me sounding, acting and behaving like some schizo beyond salvation . XD`

Its 6 in the morning and here I am sounding all chirpy ~ What an ASS . LOL -
But its not such a bad thing laa ~ Have gotta thank my Fam loads for this .
When all else fails - only they can give me the immense supprt and LOVE .
Oh mans ~ Suddenly I feel so much LOVE ~ Hiaks hiaks hiaks ~   *smiles*

Well, am gonna prep to meet Hwa for kaya toasts !! LOL -
SI ULULANI !! Went to ChinaBlack yesterday and the best part was . . BO JIOS !!
Nah nah nahs ~ Probably joining them on Wednesday . Wheee ~ XD`
Ah, and yes . I CAN GET INTO CB ALRIGHTS !     * wide wide smile *

Ohs . . I just noticed - the 12^th`s approaching . * sigh *

its ~~still~~ your LOVE my heart beats for @ 06:22 am

precious thoughts

Perfection . Redefined . (:

Saturday, July 09, 2005

I woke up ; with a terrible aching in my heart .
Then I simply started crying and weeping . I don`t know why .
Just a simple dream of him was so . . . lethal ?

Saw Fifi`s message - Thanks gurlie ; I`m glad I can count on you .
Know that you can always count on me too alright, dearie . (:
I guess everyone`s still plagued about Paul`s suicide ?
I only hope there`ll be no more repetitions of such events .
It`s tragic - everyone`s affected . The fact that it all happened .
Too real for comfort ?

I look upon my wrists and I see those scars; I don`t know what to feel.
Foolish ? Dumb ? Selfish ? Insensitive ? Or plain weak ?
But for one, I can relate to how he must have felt .
Its like, you don`t know what you`re waiting for -
But you don`t want to anymore . .

But I guess I know better now - that no matter what happens ,
I`ve gotta hold on and stay strong . If not for myself, at least for those who cares .
Because I just can`t imagine not being here today . And despite turbulence ;
God will make a way when there seems to be no way .

Am seeing things in a different perspective now .
Its as though I`m looking through a peripheral view that I never took notice of all this while .

One day , I will forget you .
One day, these feelings will finally fade .
One day , the memories will hurt no more .
Slowly but surely , that one day will come .
You can`t be there for me the way I hoped you would have -
So I guess all I`m left with is waiting for that one day . . ?

its ~~still~~ your LOVE my heart beats for @ 07:04 pm

precious thoughts

Perfection . Redefined . (:

Friday, July 08, 2005

Sometimes, I think it`d be a greater good for me to
wash my hands off you .

Yet, everytime I try to - I simply can`t . Not because I don`t want to .
But because its beyond my control . Because every minute of every day,
I am plagued with memories of times shared with you.
Because with you - that was the first time I was being so liberal .
Because , you were the very first person who made me smile, simply with your smile .
Because , after the day in the park - you were the one who healed a wound someone from my past left . Yet, it seems as though right now - you opened that wound and gashed it apart .

Perhaps you`ve found someone new .
Perhaps you`ve been busy .
Perhaps it was my fault all along -

Alleviate this pain anyone ? Please ?
Ironic ; cause you`re the only one who`ll be able to .

I don`t wanna care anymore - not for now, not for this moment in time .

Let me cry . Let me cry my heart out . I can`t put up with this false front any longer .

These tears - I don`t cry for your attention or sympathy ;

I cry for the pain & sorrow residing in what`s left of my heart .

I wanna go clubbing BADLY . I wanna be encapsulated in the raving music .
I wanna dance the night away - not bothered about the world .
Thank goodness its the weekends already.
DXO - here I come. :')

its ~~still~~ your LOVE my heart beats for @ 01:39 am

precious thoughts

In Memory Of

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

" Our Lives Are But Candles In The Wind. "

I still cannot get over the fact that I`ve just attended a former schoolmate`s funeral.
It was all too close for comfort. I ask why? And why ? - yet again .
Death is never an easy gateway. Suicide, its all too selfish.
Leaving Loved Ones and Friends to weep over a rash decision .
It could have turned out another way . It could have not ended like this .

And it scared me so much and immersed me in tremendous insecurities.
That could have been any one of my close friends! I would have been at a total loss.
My heartfelt condolences to the family and friends. Despite the fact that I barely knew Paul, that choked up feeling resided in my throat all the while I was at the funeral.
And I asked again, why ?
Was there really no other way out ??
The fragility of Life - once gone, forever it`s lost .

This has led me to realise that there`s ever so much more to Life than my pettysome worries.

My Precious Ones, if one day - you ever feel like giving up, please don`t !
There`s always someone who cares for you - ME .
If you cry, I may not be able to make you smile ;
but I could and willingly would cry along with you.

its ~~still~~ your LOVE my heart beats for @ 09:32 pm

precious thoughts